You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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