I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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