I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
