Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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