Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
