dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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