I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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