Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
