Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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