I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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