Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Randomize
