remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
