my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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