I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I won the penis lottery.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You need a sexual gate keeper
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
