I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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