Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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