69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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