I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
