I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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