Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
