i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
