He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
