Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
