sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
