you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
