He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
