so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
