maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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