My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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