I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
