So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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