The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
