Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
