i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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