When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
