Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When are your genitals available?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
