So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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