He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
