Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
