I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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