Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
