Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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