just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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