Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
