I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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