So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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