Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I pour the whiskey from now on
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
