Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
True strength comes from lack of pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
