Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
