Yo dont text me then not text me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
